Discipline With Gentle Persuasion

As a young parent I was prone to spank and rant in efforts to discipline and influence acceptable
behavior in my own children. But fortunately I spent time as a Teacher's Aide and  later organized
and operated an extended day care program with an enrollment of 85 children; plus gained at risk
youth counseling experience. I learned a great deal about interacting with children and teens and
being able to influence acceptable behavior with what I call 'Gentle Persuasion"

It helps to draw up an assertive discipline plan that sets forth house rules, appropriate disciplinary
options and incentives for acceptable behavior.  It is important to seek opportunities to praise desirable
behavior as a positive reinforcement. Even the way words are conveyed helps to influence a child's behavior.
For example; it is better to ask a child to play nicely with their friend as opposed to say "Stop Hitting
Bob" or Don't Hit Bob"; because what is reinforced in there minds is  "Hitting Bob" or  " Hit Bob". 
Gentle but persuasive techniques have verified that children can be raised up to be manageable and
respectable without harsh discipline and spankings.

The benefits of physical discipline and spanking have come into question, and the whole question of
spanking has come to the fore of national consciousness. Some of this is because there have been
injuries and even deaths of children recently, children whose parents claimed to hold to a prescrembed
manner of spanking. Besides, sometimes parents just want to know of an alternative to hitting their kids.

So many of us were raised in spanking households that we aren't sure what non-spanking discipline looks
like. If you don't spank, what do you do? Does not spanking mean being permissive?

Non-spankers are not permissive (and some spankers are!). Instead, they implement a different discipline
approach. Here are some tips on alternatives to spanking, and how to implement gentle discipline.

Remove Spanking from Your Toolbox

First, take spanking out of your disciplinary toolbox. If you always hold it in the back of your mind that you
might, just might pull out the spanking weapon if things get bad enough, then you are more likely to spank
out of emotion or at the wrong time. So just take the notion of hitting as a means of discipline out of your toolbox.

Fill Your Toolbox with Alternatives

Now it's time to be proactive! Fill your parenting toolbox with creative discipline ideas that you can draw on in
those difficult moments. This is key to preventing emotional reactions and decisions made in the heat of the
moment. Read on for some alternatives.

Laugh

Laughter is a wonderful way to diffuse a frustrating situation, and it can go a long way in garnering a child's
cooperation. Make funny voices and mock the situation (don't mock the child), and laugh at it together. For
example, if your child constantly leaves his toys in the middle of the living room floor, you could give the toys
funny voices and have them "beg" your child to put them away before they get stepped on and "hurt."

Engage

Engaging your child is a way to build the close relationship that makes discipline much easier.
Engaging her means looking at her, explaining step-by-step what you want her to do, and being clear
about consequences. For parents who were raised in non-confrontational households themselves, this
can be challenging - but it may be very helpful if you can work on directly engaging your child and let her
know what you expect very clearly.

Consequences, not Punishment

Consequences are more true to life than punishment when you think about it. If you are caught embezzling
money from the company you work for, for instance, you are not going to get hit on the bottom and told to go
on about your business. No, you'll suffer consequences - the loss of your job, legal prosecution, and possibly
prison.

So if you can arrange for consequences, it can help shape your child's behavior. For instance, instead of
threatening your child with a spanking if he doesn't clean his room, just calmly lay out the consequences:
if he doesn't clean up his room, you will "clean" it - by throwing everything in a garbage bag!

These are just a few ideas. The important thing is to plan ahead and be ready so you aren't trying to
discipline off the cuff. And you may end up with a much happier child who is better prepared for the
real world.

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