Lift Your Child's Self-Esteem

Many people have expressed strong and varying opinions on the importance of self-esteem in children.
There are those who voice a negative opinion and believe too much emphasis is placed on self-esteem
today. However there are others who strongly believe that self-esteem development is crucial in children.

The truth resides within the moderate middle so that both parties have a share in the truth. There is
probably too much emphasis on self-esteem today and self-esteem development is crucial. However
the middle ground can be found between the two groups. The emphasis should not only be based upon
building self-esteem but rather helping children learn and grow so they naturally develop a feeling of worth
and value.

Self-esteem is a major key to success in life. The development of a positive self-concept or healthy
self-esteem and positive reinforcement is extremely important to the happiness and success of children.

Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves, and our behavior clearly reflects those feelings. If you
child has high self-esteem she is likely to act independently, assume responsibility, take pride in
her accomplishments, tolerate frustration, attempt new tasks and challenges, handle positive and
negative emotions, and offer assistance to others. If your child has low self-esteem he will avoid
trying new things, feel unloved and unwanted, blame others for his own shortcomings, feel
(or pretend to feel) emotionally indifferent, be unable to tolerate a normal level of frustration, put
down his own talents and abilities, and be easily influenced.

Parents have the most influence on their child's self-esteem. Most parents do not realize how great
an impact their words and actions have on their child.

Be Quick With Praise:

When you feel good about your child, mention it to him. Parents are often quick to express negative
feelings to children but often don't get around to describing positive feelings. A child does not know
when you are feeling good about him unless you tell him. He needs to hear you tell him that you like
having him in the family. Children remember positive statements we say to them. They store them up
and "replay" these statements to themselves. Make a point of giving your child words of encouragement
throughout each day. Look for situations in which your child is doing a good job, working hard, trying a
new challenge, overcoming a difficulty or displaying a talent.

Lay It On Thick:

Be generous with your praise. Use what is called descriptive praise rather than the general, such as
"good job". For example, during a recent swimming lesson my son was expected to swim the length
of the pool. He was frightened and did not think he could make it. When he successfully accomplished
the goal I told him I was proud of him for two things. One for trying even though he was afraid he would
fail and two for pushing himself to reach his goal.

Make Them Talk The Talk:

Teach your child to practice making positive self-statements. Psychologists have found that negative
self-talk is frequently the root cause of depression and anxiety. What we think determines how we feel
about ourselves and those feelings determine how we behave. This is the reason it is important to teach
children talk to themselves in a positive manner. You can start them off by asking directed questions.

Avoid Name Calling:

While it is often important for parents to be critical, the focus should be on the action you would like to
see rather than the child. For instance, focus on the desired action, which is to sort and store their clothes
and toys into their proper places rather than calling a child a slob for keeping a messy room. Encourage
the child by saying something like "I know you can get this place ship shape by dinner" and reward them
with specific praise "You did a great job cleaning up your room".

Always Speak Of Your Child As If They Were Listening:

Many parents do a wonderful job of building up their child's self-esteem while spending time with the child.
Then later they undo all their good work and let the child overhear some negative comments. It is difficult to
explain away or undo this damage as you may well not even know when it occurs. Obviously parents need
to communicate with each other about their children and adults often need to vent their frustrations. Just
make sure when you do so that your child is not able to overhear. Even a child who is apparently concentrating
on play will perk his ears when he hears his name.

If you follow these five methods then your child's self esteem will grow.

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