The benefits of physical discipline and spanking have come into question, and the whole question of spanking has come to the fore of national consciousness. Some of this is because there have been injuries and even deaths of children recently, children whose parents claimed to hold to a prescrembed manner of spanking. Besides, sometimes parents just want to know of an alternative to hitting their kids.
So many of us were raised in
spanking households that we aren't sure what non-spanking discipline looks like.
If you don't spank, what do you do? Does not spanking mean being permissive?
Non-spankers are not permissive
(and some spankers are!). Instead, they implement a different discipline
approach. Here are some tips on alternatives to spanking, and how to implement
gentle discipline.
Remove Spanking from Your Toolbox
First, take spanking out of your
disciplinary toolbox. If you always hold it in the back of your mind that you
might, just might pull out the spanking weapon if things get bad enough, then
you are more likely to spank out of emotion or at the wrong time. So just take
the notion of hitting as a means of discipline out of your toolbox.
Fill Your Toolbox with
Alternatives
Now it's time to be proactive!
Fill your parenting toolbox with creative discipline ideas that you can draw on
in those difficult moments. This is key to preventing emotional reactions and
decisions made in the heat of the moment. Read on for some alternatives.
Laugh
Laughter is a wonderful way to
diffuse a frustrating situation, and it can go a long way in garnering a
child's cooperation. Make funny voices and mock the situation (don't mock the
child), and laugh at it together. For example, if your child constantly leaves
his toys in the middle of the living room floor, you could give the toys funny
voices and have them "beg" your child to put them away before they
get stepped on and "hurt."
Engage
Engaging your child is a way to
build the close relationship that makes discipline much easier. Engaging her
means looking at her, explaining step-by-step what you want her to do, and
being clear about consequences. For parents who were raised in non-confrontational
households themselves, this can be challenging - but it may be very helpful if
you can work on directly engaging your child and let her know what you expect
very clearly.
Consequences, not Punishment
Consequences are more true to
life than punishment when you think about it. If you are caught embezzling
money from the company you work for, for instance, you are not going to get hit
on the bottom and told to go on about your business. No, you'll suffer
consequences - the loss of your job, legal prosecution, and possibly prison.
So if you can arrange for
consequences, it can help shape your child's behavior. For instance, instead of
threatening your child with a spanking if he doesn't clean his room; just
calmly lay out the consequences: if he doesn't clean up his room, you will
"clean" it - by throwing everything in a garbage bag!
These are just a few ideas. The
important thing is to plan ahead and be ready so you aren't trying to
discipline off the cuff. And you may end up with a much happier child who is
better prepared for the real world.
The benefits of physical
discipline and spanking have come into question, and the whole question of
spanking has come to the fore of national consciousness. Some of this is
because there have been injuries and even deaths of children recently, children
whose parents claimed to hold to a prescrembed manner of spanking. Besides,
sometimes parents just want to know of an alternative to hitting their kids.
So many of us were raised in
spanking households that we aren't sure what non-spanking discipline looks like.
If you don't spank, what do you do? Does not spanking mean being permissive?
Non-spankers are not permissive
(and some spankers are!). Instead, they implement a different discipline
approach. Here are some tips on alternatives to spanking, and how to implement
gentle discipline.
Remove Spanking from Your Toolbox
First, take spanking out of your
disciplinary toolbox. If you always hold it in the back of your mind that you
might, just might pull out the spanking weapon if things get bad enough, then
you are more likely to spank out of emotion or at the wrong time. So just take
the notion of hitting as a means of discipline out of your toolbox.
Fill Your Toolbox with
Alternatives
Now it's time to be proactive!
Fill your parenting toolbox with creative discipline ideas that you can draw on
in those difficult moments. This is key to preventing emotional reactions and
decisions made in the heat of the moment. Read on for some alternatives.
Laugh
Laughter is a wonderful way to
diffuse a frustrating situation, and it can go a long way in garnering a
child's cooperation. Make funny voices and mock the situation (don't mock the
child), and laugh at it together. For example, if your child constantly leaves
his toys in the middle of the living room floor, you could give the toys funny
voices and have them "beg" your child to put them away before they
get stepped on and "hurt."
Engage
Engaging your child is a way to
build the close relationship that makes discipline much easier. Engaging her
means looking at her, explaining step-by-step what you want her to do, and
being clear about consequences. For parents who were raised in non-confrontational
households themselves, this can be challenging - but it may be very helpful if
you can work on directly engaging your child and let her know what you expect
very clearly.
Consequences, not Punishment
Consequences are more true to
life than punishment when you think about it. If you are caught embezzling
money from the company you work for, for instance, you are not going to get hit
on the bottom and told to go on about your business. No, you'll suffer
consequences - the loss of your job, legal prosecution, and possibly prison.
So if you can arrange for
consequences, it can help shape your child's behavior. For instance, instead of
threatening your child with a spanking if he doesn't clean his room; just
calmly lay out the consequences: if he doesn't clean up his room, you will
"clean" it - by throwing everything in a garbage bag!
These are just a few ideas. The
important thing is to plan ahead and be ready so you aren't trying to
discipline off the cuff. And you may end up with a much happier child who is
better prepared for the real world.
Article by: Clem C. Benton, Jr.
http://www.12path.com/T/44/